


thought i had you in the palm of my hand

by lastrealdreamer



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - College/University, Barista Michael, F/M, Fluff, M/M, Oblivious Luke, lots of feelings basically, there's some angst but not really, there's some banding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-01
Updated: 2014-08-22
Packaged: 2018-02-11 09:32:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2062998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lastrealdreamer/pseuds/lastrealdreamer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>an au where luke runs away from his feelings, michael works as a barista, ashton is the somewhat helpful roommate, and calum only shows up at the last minute.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. in the cold you look so fierce, but i'm warm enough

**Author's Note:**

> title from wrapped around your finger by none other than 5 seconds of summer, chapter title from six feet under the stars by all time low :)

it's a friday morning and nothing is quite going right. luke's power went out due to a horrible storm the night before, so his hair looks a mess and he had to deal without coffee before his first class. he can't even concentrate during the lesson, can barely process the lecture enough to write notes. halfway through the prof's monotone explanations, his friend ashton slides him a piece of paper that reads, "you ok?". luke just shrugs. ash grabs his notebook and starts writing for the both of them, sending luke a reassuring smile, and he doesn't think he's ever been more grateful for his lovely friends. he sleeps blissfully for the rest of class.  


he has 45 minutes til his next period, so he hightails it to the nearest starbucks, groaning when he sees that there's a line. it's before nine am, so it makes sense, but it doesn't make it any less shitty for luke. he contemplates just going home and drinking coffee there but he's already wasted five minutes walking here and another five minutes standing here, so he might as well go through with it.  


finally, it's luke's turn and he steps up to the counter, muttering his order while shuffling through his wallet. when he looks up, his breath catches a little. the barista stares back at him with grey-green eyes, and luke knows him, knows this boy like he knows the strings of his acoustic guitar. his name, michael, rings in his head like old chapel bells. he looks a little older, taller and buffer, baby fat gone. his hair is back to its normal color, blond with an undertone of brunette. his skin is still pale like white-hot stars against evening skies, and luke has thought a lot about this boy and his small hands, his collarbones, his ruddy lips, his ivory thighs quivering as he....  


"excuse me? you're holding up the line," a voice behind him snarks. he rolls his eyes and turns back to the counter. he hands mikey the correct amount of money and avoids his gaze, doesn't want to know if there's recognition there or not. he strides to the furthest table, sits next to the window and leans his forehead against it. it's a bright autumn day. the leaves haven't truly began to change because it's too early in the year, but they look ready to. his mind blanks and he breathes a little. he came to london for a change in scenery. it's been so long since he's seen home that he's not even sure that's what it is anymore, even if it's where he grew up, where his family is. his family doesn't really speak much to him anymore, because they know just how fucked up he is now.  


"white chocolate mocha. figures. you never were a big fan of bitter coffee."  


luke's head shoots up, hitting his temple on the window in the process. he groans, rubbing his fingers into the bruise for a moment. michael has this amused expression on his face that luke maybe sort of missed, but now he's just mad.  


"what the fuck are you even doing in the uk?" luke rasps. mikey sits across from him, pushing his drink towards him. luke takes a sip and looks at him expectantly.  


"calum and i came to see you and ash. we didn't really plan on staying, but cal got caught up in a girl and we decided to wait it out. he lives in manchester now, with the girl. i go to uni here." mikey rips up a napkin while he talks, eyes averted to each precise tear he makes, speaking slowly and softly. luke has only seen him like this a few times and it's strange.  


"wait. what're you even going to uni for? wouldn't you be in some of my classes?"  


that makes mikey look up. he smiles a little, just a tilt of lips at the corners, but it's enough to make luke's paper lungs rattle in his ribcage. he tries focusing on breathing, but this boy is just really beautiful.  


"i'm studying to be a music producer. i started a year late, as well, so we wouldn't have any classes together, you dipshit." michael seems a bit hesitant about insulting him, unsure if they're still at that point of friendship, as if it would make it any better if they acted like strangers right now. luke is grateful because he doesn't think he's ever gone this long without hearing something rude coming out of his mouth.  


"alright, clifford, if we're gonna play it like that, then why didn't you go to manchester with calum? or back home by yourself? what's tying you here?" luke asks, gripping his cup tightly.  


"you. it's always been you, hasn't it?" michael chuckles, but he doesn't sound amused. "i mean, even after you left in the middle of the night with one of our best mates, it was you that i thought about when i woke up, when i went to sleep, when i folded my fucking laundry and half of my underwear was missing because you always took it!" mike's breathing heavily now, eyes brimmed with tears, and he looks angry. "i hated you for leaving us, for leaving your mum, for leaving calum, for leaving me."  


"i don't know what to say." luke stares down at his hands, which are cold and trembling.  


"obviously," he scoffs. "you never have anything to say, do you, hemmings? always running, never committing."  


"shut up, michael. you know how rough it was for me back home. you knew that i planned on leaving, but you wanted me anyway. you said so yourself. you said that we would cross that bridge once we got there." luke isn't proud of the way his voice trembles, so he keeps his eyes steady on michael's.  


"yeah, and look where we are now. you can't just avoid the bridge now that we're there, you fuckhead. you've got to cross it. i wasn't the only one begging for it, you know. i'm not the one that came to your house asking for a pity fuck after my parents kicked me out."  


"well i wasn't the one that fucked a 17 year old boy after he was booted from his house, now was i? you were the adult, michael. i trusted you and the other boys to take care of me. i know it was selfish, but i needed you guys. i needed you. i wanted more than you could give, okay? is that what you wanted to hear? that being your secret wasn't enough for me at the time?" luke's coffee sits cold and he's on the edge of frustrated tears. michael still looks furious, but there's a hint of guilt in his eyes. they sit quiet for a minute, lost in thoughts. luke can't get the image out of his mind of being pressed to mike's bedroom door, thigh pressed between his, tongue between his teeth. he's vibrating with nervous energy and he can't believe that he's seeing his boy right in front of him right now. he's probably missing the rest of his classes but he doesn't care anymore, because michael is who he saw himself marrying when he was just 16 and so naive. michael was the boy who he thought hated him in year 9 but didn't and michael was the boy who picked on him but always made sure he was okay and michael was the boy who picked up the pieces when his family tore him apart.  


"that's not fair, luke. i wasn't ready to come out yet. i wasn't ready to believe that i'd fallen in love with anyone, much less a boy. i wanted to be there as much as i could for you, because i knew that you needed me, but i couldn't focus entirely on you. you wanted too much." mikey seems defeated now, picking at the threads of his sweater. "but i'm back now. and you're here. doesn't that mean something?" his voice cracks and when he peaks at luke through his eyelashes, his green eyes shine grey with unshed tears. michael doesn't always show this side of him, usually only when it's just him and luke, but they're in the middle of a starbucks and he's looking at luke like there's nobody else. he reaches across the table and grabs mikey's hand.  


"you're right. let's just forget about it. come back to my place, yeah? we can play video games and order pizza, like old times. sound good?" luke whispers, rubbing his thumb over the anchor tattoo.  


"yeah," mikey sighs, "when did you become so grown-up?"  


"while you weren't looking."  


***  


they've been playing fifa for about an hour when ashton comes home. he's holding groceries in his hands and his keys in his mouth - which is unnecessarily unsanitary - but they clatter to the ground once he sees michael sprawled out on the old sofa.  


"ashton!" mikey croons, jumping up and grabbing the bags just to set them down on the hardwood floor. he throws his surprisingly buff arms (not that luke has been admiring or anything) around ash's neck, pulling him into a hug. ashton throws luke an exasperated look, but luke just shrugs. he doesn't think he can explain this one.  


"how long have you been in town?" ashton asks once mike pulls away.  


"for about 6 months," he answers, dragging the eldest to join them on the couch. "although i left for like a month to live in paris. so maybe 5 months."  
at the same time luke says, "you lived in paris?", ashton mutters, "what the fuck?".  


"yeah, i was dating a girl and she was french and she wanted me to move in with her. it didn't last very long, obviously. so i live here in london now. i go to uni and i work at starbucks. it's a wonderful life."  


ashton seems stunned, while luke is still stuck on the fact that michael lived with a girl in france. he's not jealous, though. it's just that mikey doesn't seem like the type to settle down, is all. the conversation drifts to simpler things, such as ashton's classes and his work and how he still plays drums (even though he can't afford to buy his own drum kit).  


"hey well i think cal still has your old drum kit in storage, if you want it," michael says. he's now sprawled out on their couch, holding a beer bottle by its neck, feet in luke's lap.  


"seriously, man? that'd be great. you should get him to bring them up for me, so we can see him. i reckon it's been a few years now since we've seen each other. wouldn't that be great, luke?"  


luke's head shoots up after he hears his name. he's been peeling the label off of his condensation-soaked beer bottle for the past 10 minutes. he thinks about calum, his best friend from back home. he doesn't know if he can handle seeing michael and calum and ashton all together, if it'll feel more awkward than familiar. but he wants ashton to be happy, so he forces a smile and nods, quick. calum might still hate him, might still feel betrayed. luke pushes away the thought.  


ashton goes to sleep around eleven ("i've got work in the morning, guys, sorry."), but mikey and luke stay awake, just talking. they discuss their uni classes and mikey teases luke for wanting to be something as horrid as a teacher. it almost feels like two years ago, when they were holed up in a bedroom decorated with band posters and crowded with instruments. but it's not, and luke's reminded of that when they accidentally brush their hands together as they reach for something on the coffee table. it's strange, being with michael and not being able to do the things they once did without thought. they used to have tickle fights and cuddling sessions and, hell, they used to makeout on the couch instead of watch the movies they put in the dvd player. it's stupid because luke knows that it's his fault, that if he'd just faced his problems back then head-on instead of running, then things might be different now. he might be married to michael, or they would've broken up and they both would've been able to move on, knowing that it was truly over.  


"earth to luke. hello?" mikey reaches over and taps him on the temple, right where he hit it on the window earlier, and luke is pulled out of his thoughts. mikey is standing up now, brushing imaginary crumbs off of his ripped jeans. "i've got to go. work and all that tomorrow. i'll see you 'round though, right?"  


"yeah. yeah, of course," luke stammers. he didn't even notice it, but it's 2am now, and the flat is completely dark save for the flickering television light.  


"well?" the older boy says expectantly. when luke stares at him, confused, he sighs and opens his arms. _oh_ , luke thinks. he stands up and immediately curls his arms around michael's middle, while mikey's nose brushes his collarbones.  


"'ve missed you," he admits quietly.  


"missed you too, lukey. don't run off again, okay?"  


after michael leaves, luke doesn't quite know what to do with himself. he's wired, for some reason. so he sets out to clean the mess that he's made, throwing out all of the empty beer bottles and washing all of the dishes that they used. it's somehow soothing to wipe away all the grit, so much that luke ends up sweeping, dusting, and mopping the entire flat. he opts out of the vacuuming, figuring that ashton wouldn't be too happy if he woke up at 4am due to his flat-mate's obsessive cleaning.  


once he's finished, he takes a hot shower, mostly focusing on the steam relaxing his muscles more than washing his hair. he hums under his breath, something distantly familiar but not enough that he knows the words to it. he goes out of his way to dress nicely - well, as nicely as one can when their wardrobe is communally shared with ashton irwin - and to quiff his hair. when ashton finally makes his way out of his room, stretching and shirtless, luke has gone out and bought groceries and made breakfast. he holds out a cup of freshly brewed coffee to the apprehensive curly-haired lad.  


"wha's this all about?" he slurs, sitting indian style in one of their rickety old kitchen chairs.  


"what? can a guy not make his best mate breakfast without being questioned?" luke admonishes, handing him a plate and starting to fix his own.  


"it's like 830 in the morning and it's a saturday, so no," ash says around a mouthful of pancake. luke scrunches his nose. "is this about michael?"  


"what? no," he sputters, fumbling with the napkins. he has his back turned away from ashton, thankfully, so he doesn't see the panic in his face. but he knows that he won't get away that easily.  


"seriously, luke, it's cool if you're worried about him. i would be too."  


"yeah, but it's not that simple," luke groans," i'm not just worried. i'm _terrified_ . what if we all start hanging out again and i still have feelings for him? what if i mess things up again? i seem to be pretty good at fucking myself over." he turns to look at his best friend, who watches him with concerned hazel eyes. luke leans against the counter, burying his face in his hands. he's so conflicted. on one hand, he wants to run right into michael's arms and never let him go. on the other hand, he wants to run away again and forget this ever happened, maybe marry a pretty girl and have a family.  


"mate, you gotta stop worrying. you two were friends before anything, and michael knows that. i'm sure he's worrying about the same things, you just gotta talk it out and stop living in your head all the time," ash says, sipping thoughtfully from his coffee mug.  


"we're talking about _mikey_ here, ash. he doesn't worry about anything."  


"i wouldn't say that. mikey cares about a lot of things. he cares about video games, guitar, pizza, and you. he's always worried about you. hell, after your parents threw you out, he came straight to me because he was worried that you would think that he was taking advantage of you. you were just too wrapped up in your own shit that you never noticed." ashton shrugs and places his dishes in the sink (without rinsing them, which luke should really talk to him about because it's _gross_ ). he pulls luke into a hug, standing on his toes to wrap his arms around his neck. normally luke would joke about the height difference, but after pulling an all-nighter and dealing with old feelings has worn him out.  


"did you sleep at all?" ashton asks when he steps back. he examines luke like a mother would, pressing a thumb into the circles under his eyes. "are you insane? go to bed, dumbass." he sounds more endeared than anything, so luke just ruffles his hair and drags himself to his room, snuggling into his duvet and falling asleep almost instantly, dreaming of green eyes and pale skin.


	2. we try and run away, but end up running back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from crash by you me at six. this chapter kind of got away from me but here it is! enjoy :)

when luke wakes up, it's dark outside. he rolls over and stares at his wall until the relentless ache in his bladder forces him to get up. after he's relieved himself, he checks his phone, surprised when there's tons of texts from michael. he doesn't remember putting him in his contacts, but he was pretty tired, so... 

(7:56 PM) _hey it's mikey_

(7:56 PM) _i put ur number in my phone last nite when u went to the toilet. hope thts ok_

luke smiles a little despite himself and lies back on his bed, already typing out a response. 

(8:01 PM) ur a dork. of course its ok.

(8:02 PM) _shut up, hemmings. ur one to talk_

(8:02 PM) _:)_

(8:02 PM) _i'm bored at work. come save me :(_

(8:03 PM) shouldnt you be working then??

(8:05 PM) _there's nobody here_

(8:06 PM) make me something w pumpkin spice. be there in 15

luke sets out to brush his teeth - just in case, he doesn't want to have bad breath while talking to michael, he reasons - and mess with his hair so it's not completely flat and frizzy. 

when he finally creeps out of his bedroom, ashton is sitting at the kitchen table, glasses perched on his nose, typing away at his laptop. he doesn't want to disturb him, so he tiptoes out the front door, carrying his converse in his hands. he puts them on his feet once he's outside, realizing that he's still in sweatpants and an old t-shirt that definitely belongs to ashton. he shrugs and starts walking towards starbucks. the neighborhood is fairly quiet, and luke is so glad that they don't live in the dorms. it being a saturday night, there's probably tons of parties going on. luke had tried that scene when it was his first year in uni, but he just wasn't the partying type. he liked drinking and being stupid, but not to the point of passing out every other weekend on someone's lawn. 

before he even realizes it, he's standing in the bright lighting of the coffee shop. michael is sitting on a stool behind the counter with an old acoustic guitar in his lap, fingers moving delicately across the frets. the tune he's playing is far too familiar. he looks so focused, eyes downcast, and luke doesn't know what to do with himself. 

there's something different about michael now. he's softer around the edges, in a figurative sense. he's less brash, less of that awkward teenager that had the ridiculously long fringe that soon thinned out due to excessive dye jobs. but he's still michael, in the end. his green eyes still shine the same, his candy lips still stretch around his mouth when he smiles, he still looks at luke like he pieced together the entire galaxy. it's somehow new and familiar all in one, and luke is still so in fucking love. 

he realizes he's been staring when mikey coughs awkwardly. 

"you were playing one of our songs," luke says around a sigh, which makes him sound like he's wheezing a bit, and maybe he is. maybe michael has finally succeeded in stealing his breath. 

"technically it's calum's song. he wrote it. _you_ were the one that just sat around and made funny faces at ashton during songwriting." he puts down the guitar, leaning it delicately against the cabinets, and leans on the counter. he's wearing a red and white plaid shirt that opens a little towards his collarbones, revealing the bit of chest hair he's gotten since luke knew him. there's a grey beanie pulled over his hair and it looks like he hasn't shaved in a few days. and luke, well, he may or may not be staring again. he blushes and averts his eyes, bits on his lip ring. 

"well it's not like you were ever helpful during songwriting either! you always spent your time trying to prank me!" luke accuses, mimicking michael's stance. their fingertips brush, and luke can hear the older lad's sharp intake of breath. he realizes that there's an ipod somewhere playing music and it's so cliche. but there's a moment when the entire coffeehouse is quiet when the track is changing, and michael leans forward and presses his lips to luke's. mikey lays his hands on top of luke's and just slowly kisses him, like it's mid-morning and they haven't washed the sleep from their eyes even though the sun has already set. 

another song starts playing and they pull away, noses brushing against each other. luke is afraid to breathe, afraid that it'll shatter the moment. but then michael turns away and starts messing with something behind the counter, and luke is left leaning into nothing. 

"you said you wanted something with pumpkin spice right?" michael asks, sliding over a bright red christmas mug. luke nods, and moves to get out his wallet, but michael waves him off. he shrugs and picks up the coffee, blowing off some of the steam. he finally notices the drink, how the foam is sitting in the shape of a heart. it's kind of sloppy and slanted, but it's still cute. luke sees michael sort of blushing out of the corner of his eye, and he thinks that he could get used to this michael. 

they spend the next few hours mucking around. they start off alternating playing songs on michael's acoustic guitar. luke plays a lot of blink-182, michael plays a lot of all time low. after they get bored of that, they start throwing things at each other. it starts with luke accidentally spilling some of his coffee on michael's jeans, and it ends with luke pouting because his shirt is ruined from caramel syrup (but he gets a kiss on the nose, so who's he to complain?). in reality, they should stop messing about and maybe pay attention to the customers, but it's late on a saturday night and most uni students coming in to get coffee are tired and maybe need a laugh. so mikey draws cute pictures in their coffee (never a heart, though, luke notices) and he makes jokes to see the stressed students smile and luke is maybe a little bit in love.

now they're sitting on the floor, heads leaned against the cabinets. they can't see the door this way, but they'll hear the bell if anyone walks in. they're sharing a blueberry scone and drinking coffee, despite the late hour. 

"what time do you get off?" luke asks. 

"get off, huh? what makes you think i'll tell you that, hemmings?" michael teases. luke can't decide if he wants to slap or kiss the smirk off of his dumb face. 

"you know what i mean! what time does your shift end, fucker?" and his voice definitely does _not_ crack, because he's not some pubescent boy who blushes over innuendos, okay? he's in control of his body and michael has absolutely _no_ effect on him whatsoever. at least that's what he tells himself.

"10 pm," he answers, "which reminds me: d'ya wanna help me with something tonight?" 

luke hesitates. "depends on what it is." 

michael laughs, like full-on breaks out into giggles, clutching his stomach. he's the cutest thing luke has ever seen, and luke has seen many cute things in his days.

"you'll see, hemmings."  
***

after a particularly horrible acoustic rendition of _teenage dirtbag_ , michael finally clocks out. he closes up shop and then they're left standing on a sidewalk in the middle of london. luke shoves his hands in his pockets to protect them from the slight chill in the air, staring down at his black converse-clad, pigeon-toed feet. 

"ready, lukey?" michael smiles at him, all bright teeth and red lips and blushing cheeks. luke nods, turns to head home, but mikey pulls his hand from his jean pocket and pulls him in the opposite direction. he follows after him like a newborn fawn, stumbling over nothing. they're half-jogging, even though luke's pretty sure that whatever they're about to do isn't _that_ important, but he's not about to tell michael that. 

they end up in front of a 24 hour drugstore, hands still loosely clasped, even though they aren't walking anymore. mikey leads him into the store, down aisles of beauty products, and it finally hits him. 

"you're gonna dye your hair again, you bastard!" the store clerk turns to glare at them, but mikey just grins and shrugs. when they reach the hair dye, he stops, finally letting go of luke's hand long enough to grab a box of bleach. 

"what color, do you think?" michael asks. he taps his finger to his cherry red mouth, as if he's deciding on whether to cut the red or blue wire. 

"what colors have you already done?"

he thinks it over for a minute before saying, "dark brown, black with blue, blue-ish purple, galaxy pink, white, bright blue, hot pink, reverse skunk, green, and lilac." 

"what colors are there left in the rainbow?" 

mikey sticks out his tongue at him and luke just rolls his eyes. 

"dye it dark brown, then, if you want my opinion," luke finally says, after watching michael read the backs of several boxes of dye. he kneels beside him, grabbing a box that has a picture of a girl with shiny brunette hair on the front (which michael makes a face at) and handing it to the older boy. "that was my favorite on you." 

they're at the same height now, both sitting on their knees in the middle of the dimly lit drugstore, and michael's eyes are so green and pretty to look at. they seem to lean forwards at the same time, noses brushing together, until their lips finally press together. michael's hand that isn't holding the hair dye box instantly curls around the back of luke's neck, pulling him closer. it's not perfect, because the angle is slightly awkward and both of their lips are chapped from the cold, but luke smiles into the kiss anyway. he's still doesn't know what this is or what they're doing or even what they'll be in the future, but for now he's pretty content. 

"you're such a sap," mikey mutters, finally standing up and brushing off his jeans. he holds out a hand for luke and doesn't let go, even when he's on his feet, and even when they go to buy the hair dye. 

the walk back to mikey's place is quiet and calm. their hands swing idly in between them and the streets have long been emptied out. it's a bit chilly, the october air finally catching up to them, but it's still nice. 

the first thing luke notices about mikey's flat is that it smells like melted chocolate. which - it isn't a bad smell, at all, but it's surprising. michael's not one to smell like anything other than pizza and panda express. the next thing he notices is that the place is actually tidy. there's no trash on the ground or clothes strewn about. it's sparsely furnished and very open, with plain white walls and wooden floors. 

"you wanna help me dye my hair or stare at my couch a bit longer?"

luke shakes out of his thoughts and follows michael into his bathroom, feeling out of place as he reads the directions on the back. he's in the house of a boy whom he loved several years ago, someone who made him a better person, someone who he never wanted to hurt but ended up hurting the most. 

"here, hold this." michael shoves his phone into luke's hands, beginning to mix the chemicals together, "pick a song to play, it's too quiet." as he scrolls through thousands of artists, mikey sits on the closed toilet lid and watches him, with a quirk to his lips. luke can see him out the corner of his eye, but he doesn't say anything because it looks like he's in his own little world, watching luke. he finally chooses a song, _playing god_ by paramore, setting the phone on the counter and looking pointedly at michael. 

"wanna do the honors?" mikey asks, holding out the bottle of dye. luke hesitates, before he just sighs and puts on the gloves that come with the box. 

at first, luke is kind of clumsy with the dye, spilling it onto his shirt and accidentally pouring too much so it dribbles down michael's forehead, but then he gets better. the song changes to _american idiot_ by green day and luke has to keep reprimanding michael for nodding his head along because, "you're gonna make me get it in your eyes!" after it seems like all of his hair is covered, they make their way back to the living room, where they play fifa until the twenty minutes are up. luke runs the water in the bathroom sink, making sure that the water isn't too hot or cold. 

and michael seems quite content to allow luke to wash the dye out of his hair, even leaning into his hands when he massages the conditioner in. the whole thing is pretty bizarre, albeit soothing. once it's all rinsed out, luke hands him a dry towel, watching as he shakes his hair out like a dog. 

"how's it look?" he asks, smoothing down stray hairs while shyly looking up at luke through his eyelashes. his eyes seem greener in this light and his skin glows a bit, and luke remembers being so smitten over this boy. he wonders if he's maybe still a bit whipped, despite everything that's happened. 

"it looks really good," luke finally says, stepping closer to the older boy. the towel falls to the tiled ground, landing with a wet _thud_ , but neither of them blink. luke leans in until he can feel michael's shallow breath on his lips and - 

"you should go," mikey blurts, stepping backwards, "it's late and - and i have class tomorrow." 

he can't help the sinking feeling in his stomach, because he know that mikey doesn't owe him anything after a few simple kisses, but he's confused. maybe he's rethinking letting luke back into his life. luke doesn't blame him. 

he leaves without looking back at michael, who's still standing in the bathroom with a distant look on his face. the first few autumn leaves begin to fall with the wind, when he's walking home. the sidewalk is wet from rain - which he hadn't even noticed that it had been raining - and the streetlamps reflect off of the puddles. 

ashton is asleep when he arrives home, but he crawls into his bed anyway, curling under his friend's arm and nosing at his collarbones. ash shuffles a bit to get comfortable, but doesn't push luke away or wake up, so luke closes his eyes and tries to fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok i swear calum will be in the next chapter, i just wanted to write about luke helping michael dye his hair because it's super adorable.  
> kudos and comments are truly appreciated!!!


	3. let's forget the past, i swear we'll make this last

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the last chapter!! wow, this fic literally started off as just a drabble and then it kinda grew and i couldn't help myself from finishing it! i apologize in advance for my poor attempts at humor. the title chapter is from if you don't know by 5sos. hope you enjoy!!

the next week passes by in a flash. luke avoids any and all starbucks. he spends his evenings like he did before any of this happened, watching old sitcoms with ashton and studying and going to work at the little bookstore down the road. it's a simple life, one without pretty pale boys and confusing feelings. 

except the feelings are still there. everywhere he turns, he sees something that he wants to show michael, but he can't. he wants to run to the older lad and kiss him until both of their lips are swollen but that - that's not a thing. he's not allowed to do that. in fact, michael has already probably forgotten about him and maybe reunited with that french girl. 

luke might be moping a little. 

it's a friday night and he's drinking their cheap coffee, staring at his laptop screen, trying to write a fucking essay for one of his classes and it's _not_ working out for him. he needs more caffeine and possibly an adderall or two to keep him focused. he doesn't even hear when ashton pads into the kitchen and sits next to him. he only notices when his laptop suddenly shuts and he's left staring at the wall. 

"what the hell?" he snarks, moving to reach for his computer, only to have ashton pull it off the table and into his lap. "i was writing an essay! do you want me to flunk out of uni?"

"shut up, lucas, procrastinating on one paper isn't going to make you fail. avoiding your problems _will_ , however, fuck everything up and school won't even matter then. so tell me what's been up with you and michael and i'll think about giving you your laptop back." he hugs the computer to his chest, batting his eyelids. luke has known ashton long enough to know that he's not going to give up very easily, so luke just sighs and downs the rest of his bitter coffee. 

he tells the entire story from start to finish and, once he's finished, ashton reaches over and pinches his arm. 

"what was that for?" luke whines, rubbing his bicep. "i told you what happened, now give me my laptop!" 

"i said i would _consider_ giving you back your laptop, and after hearing that, you're not getting it back until you go talk to mikey." luke starts to protest, but ashton cuts him off. "no exceptions! obviously both you and michael are very confused by seeing each other after so many years, and i refuse to stand by and watch you fuck this up _again_. i know that it was a different reason back then, but he's still michael. even if he doesn't want to go back to what you were before, don't you at least want to keep him as a best friend?"

luke nods, fumbling with his fingers, twisting his pinky ring. he knows that there's a chance that michael does want to get back together, that he's just trying to protect himself from being hurt again by luke leaving, but there's also a chance that michael just wants to be his friend. luke knows now that he should just take what he can get, because he'll be _damned_ if he's going to let this boy slip through his fingers again. 

he stands up too quickly, his head spinning a little as he runs to his room to get dressed. he opts for a beanie and an old t-shirt and his black skinny jeans, too worried about what he's going to actually say to michael to be putting together a nice outfit. he makes sure to hug ashton before practically sprinting out of the door. he hopes that michael is working today because he doesn't think he remembers the way to his flat. 

the pavement is wet from early morning rain and the sky is grey, a typical day in london. it starts drizzling, but luke keeps speed-walking, almost running into several people and apologizing but never slowing down. once he's standing in front of the starbucks, he stops in his tracks. he's wringing his hands, wondering if this was such a good idea, weighing the pros and cons in his head. 

but he _knows_ that he has to do this. he just has to, to make up for his younger self so he can finally stop feeling so bad about abandoning his friends because of something they couldn't help. he sees mikey through the glass now, but his back is turned. luke can tell that he's talking to someone but he can't tell who it is because he's standing in front of them. 

_now or never,_ luke thinks, stepping into the warm air of the coffee shop. 

two heads turn towards him and he stops. his heart is beating wildly in his chest and for once it's not because mikey looks really fucking good right now. 

calum seems pretty dumbfounded as well, his hands shoved deep in his pockets, jaw slack. he still looks the same to luke, just like the scrawny teenage boy that luke left behind, except he's _grown_.

his arms are more muscular, skin littered with tattoos, hair curlier and hidden underneath a snapback. but his eyes - they're the same almond brown. 

luke opens his mouth to say something but then calum is walking towards him and he closes his eyes and waits for the punch that he's surely going to get, but it never comes. he doesn't really expect it when arms are suddenly wrapped around his neck, pulling him closer, but he nuzzles into calum's skin anyway, snakes his arms around his friend's slim waist. 

"i missed you, bro," cal mumbles into his shirt. 

"missed you too." luke sniffles, trying desperately _not_ to cry but feeling extremely overwhelmed by all of this. he thought for sure that calum would hate him, that he would never forgive him for leaving like he did. calum was his best friend back at home, but he couldn't take calum with him. he had to take ashton because ashton was older and he understood why luke couldn't stay. they stay like that for a few minutes, standing still, wrapped up in each other. luke can feel tears on his cheeks, but he doesn't really care. he's got his best friend right here, and he doesn't hate him, even though luke has proved himself to be an absolute dick multiple times.

"why are you crying, bastard?" calum says, but his voice is thick with unshed tears as well. they both laugh a little and pull away, still clutching at each other. "fuck you, lucas. fuck you for leaving. i love you, dude, but get your shit together." 

luke nods, smiling despite himself. he feels a bit weak-kneed, suddenly exhausted from being put through so much the past few days. 

"not that i'm not enjoying this beautiful reunion, but i'm feeling a little left out here," mikey whines, and luke remembers that it's not just him and calum in the room. he wipes his face with his sleeve and looks back at michael, who's pouting. he looks extra good today, with a black misfits sweatshirt and bedhead, and luke thinks that he's just trying to torture him. 

"aw, come here, bro!" cal shouts, attack-hugging mikey and motorboating him. michael just giggles and knocks his hat off his head. while calum is messing with his hair, luke walks over to mikey and hugs him from behind, heart beating wildly in his chest. 

"i'm sorry about last week," he whispers into the skin behind mikey's ear. he can feel the older boy shiver under him, and he smiles. "we can just be friends. i'd be okay with that." 

michael looks like he's about to say something but then another customer comes in and he springs into action, jumping behind the counter while calum and luke go and sit in a booth. calum pulls out his phone and luke startles a bit when he sees a flash of gold. 

"is that - is that a wedding ring?" 

calum looks up and then down again at his left hand, twisting the ring there. he nods sheepishly. luke kicks him in the shin underneath the table. 

"when did you get _married_? what the hell!" 

"uh, april of this year. her name's lilly. i thought mike would've told you, at least," calum admits. he has this far-away look in his eyes, and luke thinks that he must really love this girl. "she wanted to come down with me to visit but she had to work. she's a vet." he smiles and looks up at luke, who's just glad that his friend is happy. maybe he should feel angry that he wasn't notified about the wedding or invited or anything, but he understands. despite the fact that they all promised to be _best friends forever_ when they were 16, it didn't play out like that. sometimes things don't go the way you want them too, and luke has learned to be okay with that.

"seems like you've been quite busy since i left, then," luke teases. 

"yeah, i guess so. what about you? any hot guys chasing after you?" 

"not really. i mean, i've dated a little but never anything serious." luke bites his lip ring, eyes casting over to michael, who's handing change to a girl and talking animatedly. 

"ah," calum says, "i see. you're still in love with mike." 

"what?" luke sputters, "no i'm not. we're just friends. barely that, even. i only ran into him a week ago. we've hardly spoken, in fact." he knows that calum can see through him, so he doesn't know why he's even lying, but he just can't handle the idea of still being in love with a boy who probably just wants to be his friend again. 

he can't handle the idea of possibly ruining everything again because of his dumb feelings. maybe it was okay when he was younger, but he's not a teenager anymore. he has to face things on his own. he has to deal with the consequences of his actions. 

"hey, it's ok if you still love him," calum whispers, grabbing luke's hand from across the table. "i can't imagine how it must feel, seeing him again. he's overwhelmed too, y'know? it's a lot to take in. he wouldn't have called me in the middle of the night begging me to come down here if he didn't feel something as well." 

that's the moment that michael chooses to plop down next to him, handing out mugs of coffee. luke doesn't remember asking for anything, but he can't turn down caffeine after the morning he's had. he goes to take a sip of it and stops, noticing the foam heart floating at the top. michael has his head turned to talk to calum, but he can still see the slight flush in his neck. luke hides his smile and is careful not to mess up the artwork as he drinks his coffee. 

they sit there and talk about everything that comes to mind - uni, jobs, calum's wife. michael gets up a few times to attend to customers, but it's mostly quiet. it's lunchtime when they leave, mikey's shift finally over, and luke invites them both back to his place. 

"oh wait, i almost forgot!" calum runs back into the shop as soon as they step outside, and luke raises his eyebrow at mike, who just shrugs. when he comes back out, he's got ashton's old cajun in his hands, still adorned with the black tape that spells out his name. 

"i'm sure ashton has missed this. i also have his actual drum kit, but it's in storage at home. after you guys left, we basically took everything you left and sorted through it. we didn't want to get rid of some of it though, so we got a storage unit," calum explains, shifting so the box is more comfortable in his arms.

"what else did you keep?" luke asks, leading the way to his flat. 

"not much. mostly old photo albums and stuff. we would've kept your guitar, but we couldn't find it," mikey answers. 

"yeah, that's because i took it with me when i left," luke admits, "i wasn't about to leave it behind. i told ashton he could've brought his cajun at least but he seemed intent on completely starting over and bringing only necessitates." he shrugs. 

"somehow that doesn't surprise me at all," calum laughs. 

they reach the flat and luke reaches for the door, just to have it open on its own. ashton is standing on the other side, hair pushed under a beanie, wearing gym clothes. 

"oh hey, i was just gonna go for a run..." he trails off when he sees the cajun, which calum has strategically hidden behind. "is that my cajun box? michael, luke, what the hell?" 

"hey ashton," cal finally says, setting the box down on the sidewalk. "what's up?" 

the look on the oldest lad's face is priceless. he takes the cajun and sets it on the ground, throwing his arms around calum. they stand like that for a minute, whispering about something that luke can't hear. michael bumps his head on his shoulder, nuzzling into his skin. 

"m'tired," he mumbles, resting his forehead in the crook of luke's neck. "shouldn't have drank so much coffee earlier." his head lolls a bit, and luke holds him closer, supporting him so he doesn't fall. 

"let's go inside, i can make lunch," ashton announces, herding everyone into the flat. he's holding his cajun close to his chest, as if someone is going to take it away from him. luke rolls his eyes. 

"if you're gonna make broccoli, i'll pass," calum jokes, sprawling out on the couch. 

"i know how to make things other than steamed vegetables, thank you very much!" ashton holds a hand over his heart, trying to look offended but mostly coming off as fond. 

"so how about we watch a movie while the housewife makes us food?" luke jokes, wiggling in between calum and the arm of the sofa. michael looks as though he's debating for a minute before he just sits right in his lap, arse cushioned on his jean-clad thighs. luke might die because of this boy, _especially_ if he keeps moving around like that while practically sitting right on his dick. 

"this housewife is gonna kick your scrawny ass out of this flat if you say that again," ashton deadpans, waving a spatula which he must've grabbed from the kitchen while luke had his mini heart attack. the other boys laugh and luke just blushes, still a bit flustered because of mikey. he at least seems to have gotten comfortable, finally sitting still. he just _really_ hopes that they pick a good family movie, something preferably without hot guys. 

"we should watch finding nemo!" he suggests, hands coming to rest on mike's waist. 

calum groans, "dude, no. we've all seen that movie like a hundred times. we should watch something scary. we should watch _the conjuring_." he grins like he's just thought of the best idea in the world. 

"yeah! what do you think, lukey?" mikey squeals, eyes open wide and mouth curved into a smile. luke smiles back and nods, content to go along with whatever the older lad says. ashton comes in with pizza rolls then and they sit around and eat, talking about everything and nothing, completely forgetting about the movie. and if michael feeds luke a few bites, then that's nobody's business. 

somehow they end up talking about home. 

"how are my parents? do you know?" luke asks out of the blue. three pairs of eyes flicker to him, and he ducks his head a little, embarrassed. 

"i wouldn't know, i haven't talked to them since..." calum trails off, shrugging awkwardly, "but i've spoken to jack. he says that they're all doing well. ben is married with kids now. they all miss you, y'know. you should call them or something." luke tenses, because that's _really_ not a good idea. he could only imagine how that phone conversation would go. 

the last time he remembers speaking to his parents, it was the end of winter in australia. he was 16 and bright-eyed, ready for anything to come his way. he had just come back from michael's house and he knew then that he was going to tell his parents about them. him and mikey had been fooling around for a few months, then, and both agreed to keep it a secret. but luke was the kind of boy that wanted to tell his mum everything. he could barely keep it all in, all of this excitement and happiness that came with falling in love, and he just _had_ to tell someone. 

so he did. 

he blurted out when his mum was making dinner, "me and mikey are dating!" 

the look of horror on her face was one he'd never forget. 

the rest of the night was spent with her yelling about him being a disappointment and _how could he do this to her_ and _what would your father think_ , and they didn't have to ponder too much over the last one. when his dad got home a few minutes later, he told luke to get his stuff and leave. luke thought that parents were supposed to love you and keep you safe, not disown you because of something as trivial as sexuality. 

luke ran to mike's after that, glad that he'd left his guitar there for band practise because it surely wouldn't have fit in his bag. he'd only grabbed a few things - mostly clothes and old photos - because he knew that there was no way he could go back to that house. 

when michael answered the door, the first thing luke did was kiss him. he kissed him because it was the only thing that simultaneously make him forget and make him remember. it was the first night that michael fucked him, and he _knows_ that the older boy wouldn't have done that if he had known before how vulnerable luke was. 

so it goes. 

"lukey? are you okay?" mike whispers, eyes searching. 

"yeah. perfect. let's watch the movie now, yeah?" 

he doesn't look like he believes luke at all, but he lets it slip, settling his head on the younger boy's shoulder. ashton puts in the movie, curling up in the armchair. 

the movie isn't too bad. during the extra scary parts, michael hides his face in luke's neck and luke runs his fingers through his soft hair, which is nice. calum seems the most freaked out, although he would deny it to the grave. once the credits start rolling, all four boys sit up and stretch, the flat now quiet. 

"we should play something, now that i have my cajun," ashton says excitedly, eyes wide. 

mikey nods and stands up, stretches so a sliver of his stomach shows. luke bites down on his lip ring, averts his eyes. "good idea. i've gotta go get my guitar. wanna come, cal?" calum looks up from his phone and nods, putting his vans back on. 

the other two set out to clean up a little, putting dishes in the sink and throwing away all of the trash. by the time they're finished, mike and calum are bursting through the door in fits of laughter, holding a guitar and a bass. 

"honey, we're home!" mikey giggles, instantly collapsing on the couch and tuning his acoustic guitar. they all take seats surrounding the coffee table, holding their guitars and, in ashton's case, sitting on the cajun. it's surreal and luke smiles to himself, thinking about their band practices in michael's garage so many years ago. they're different people now, but they're still connected by the music. 

"what should we play?" calum asks, plucking the strings, absent-minded. 

" _i miss you_ by blink?" luke suggests. they all agree and ashton calls out the countdown. 

it's a little shaky at first, since they're not used to playing together anymore, but it smooths out by the time calum starts singing the beginning lyrics. they've sung this enough to know their cues, to know when to sing back-up vocals. luke's nervous for his part, because he hasn't sung in front of anyone in a very long time and especially not in front of michael. it's such a meaningful song and luke wouldn't put it past himself to fuck up just because he's too distracted by the lyrics. 

but he reaches his cue and he can feel the music thrumming in his skin, building up, and he nails it. _he_ knows he nails it and, by the look on his mates' faces, they know he did too. ashton looks especially proud. 

both he and calum sing the chorus. he'd forgotten how well their voices blended but it's so obvious now that they're grown up. during the second verse, luke sneaks a look at michael, who's head is bowed and eyes focused on his guitar, and he feels this giant tangible warmth spreading through his veins. 

he realizes, after the song ends, that he can't stand to _just_ be michael's friend. 

not when they have so much history. not when they have so much future ahead of them. not when mike is still the only person in the world that makes luke feel like he's falling and steady on his feet simultaneously. not when they're in the same city or when they're in separate countries. maybe nothing's changed and they're still 16 and figuring things out, or maybe everything's changed and they fucked things up the first time just to be given a second chance. 

whatever it is, luke knows that he has to do something about it. 

he hops to his feet, setting his guitar on the ground carefully. ignoring the strange looks he's getting from everyone, he bolts to his bedroom, making sure to close the door but leave it unlocked. 

(2:37 PM) _hey u ok?_

luke smirks at the text from mikey, flopping onto his bed.

(2:38 PM) perfect. come to my room?

(2:38 PM) _why.._

(2:39 PM) wanna talk to you

it sounds both suggestive and scary but luke thinks that it'll do the trick either way. there's a timid knock at his door a few seconds later. he doesn't have the chance to call out before a dark-haired michael is poking his head through the frame. 

"come in, you dork," luke chuckles, patting the open space beside him on his bed. 

"m'not a dork," the other boy grumbles, but takes the spot anyway. he turns on his side though, pouting at luke. 

"you're my dork," he mumbles under his breath, but he can tell mikey heard it anyway by the quirk of his eyebrows. 

"pretty sure a dork is a whale penis. so that would make you a whale and me your dick. don't think that's flattering for either of us." 

"hey! my dick is _super_ flattering." 

they laugh for a minute, luke still on his back, staring at the ceiling. he turns on his side and stares at michael instead, deciding that green eyes are far more pretty than a blank wall. 

it's only a matter of seconds before luke surges forward, lips colliding with mikey's in an awkward sort of way. he presses mikey to the mattress, sitting between his thighs, slowing the kiss until it's just lazy and soft. 

when they pull apart, michael looks starstruck, hair pushed away from his forehead, mouth wet and red, sage-colored eyes wide. luke is so endeared that he kisses him again, short and sweet. it's quiet in the room, both of their breathing the only sounds to be heard. luke wonders if he's fucked everything up again, but he knows he at least has to stick it out until mikey tells him to leave. he deserves that at least, an explanation. 

"what'd you do that for?" michael whispers. he doesn't sound angry or hurt - just confused. 

"i'm in love with you, idiot," luke says, nudging michael's jaw with his nose. 

"that's my line," mikey murmurs, "but i love you too, so i'll let it slide."

and it's as simple as that. they meet eyes, both looking as pleased as ever. there's still a lot to discuss, and a lot to discover, but for now luke settles for kissing him again, thinking that london maybe isn't such a bad place to be.

"you better not fuck each other while i'm still here!" ashton calls from the other side of the door, while calum croons, "use protection!" 

and yeah - luke thinks that he's finally home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you to everyone who has read this and commented or given kudos! i had a lot of fun writing it! tell me what you think in the comments? :)

**Author's Note:**

> kudos are appreciated!! xoxo


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